An update for less.

I'd like to preface this post with the fact that I don't even want to be writing it. I'm tired of all these "rules" and record keeping and I just want to be.

I've spent a couple weeks being not so careful because I was just sick of everything. I feel cruddy (cruddier than usual) and I'm ready to get back on track. It's a new track this time. I spent a really long time following a path I was hoping would work and no matter how much I tried to make it work, I've come to see I just don't want to be on that path anymore. So I'm done.

For now there will be no more documentation. No more pictures or food tracking. No more micromanaging or obsessing. No more measuring or weighing.

I'm going to keep track of my water intake, my supplements and my intermittent fasting. Anything else, I can no longer be bothered with.

I've started eating more probiotics and raw vegetables and will continue to do that daily. Once again I'm back to grain-free (I took a couple weeks off—no wheat though—and it just doesn't agree with me on a consistent basis. I need to be grain-free), sugar-free (I took off time from this too and as awesome as the food tastes, it does nothing for my body, my attitude or my overall well-being), dairy free (apart from heavy whipping cream, kefir and Kerrygold), and fruit-free (once I start, I just can't seem to stop, so why bother with the tempt?)

So while it seems there are more rules, or at least the same rules, I don't really view it that way. I got carried away in the last couple weeks with the fact that I realized I had the power to make the wrong choices, and then I decided to make them. This time I know I can make them and I'm choosing not to. It's always a choice. I'm choosing to re-eliminate the foods that make me feel shitty (even though a lot of aspects of that lifestyle haven't necessarily worked for weight loss yet) and I'm also choosing to not obsess over it anymore. There will be an in-between that works for me. I just need to not try so hard to find it.

The Great Fast.

I ended up fasting the entire weekend. It felt really good to give my body a break from food. I had a few bowls of broth a day strained from previously made chicken soup.

While sick, I think it helped my body concentrate on healing, instead of digesting food. It was nice to go back to eating this morning. I do feel sort of bloated again already this afternoon.

I took waist/hip measurements this morning, so it'll be interesting to see what happens after a couple days of normal eating.

The Dairy Factor.

A couple months ago, I had a crick in my neck. It felt tight for a while and I thought if I could just crack it, it would feel better. Once this happened though, it only seemed to get worse. I could barely turn my head and nothing relieved the pain. Within a few days, the pain subsided and I forgot about it.

A couple days ago my neck had that weird tightness again. I remembered the last time that happened though, and I made sure not to pop it on purpose again. Today it's still a little sore, but the tension is starting to subside.

It got me thinking though. There are lots of people who report lifelong pain subsiding after eliminating foods. I don't remember if I had dairy the last time this neck thing happened. I know though that I had dairy this past week.

I don't know if there's a connection or not, but I wanted to note it in case I forget about it.

Up the down side.

This is not working.

I'm not entirely sure how to define "this", but something isn't working. I was a machine when it came to saying no cravings. I kicked ass. The last three days for no discernible reason, I've had zero willpower. I don't know if it's just me letting things trip me up or if it's more of a physiological thing. It was recommended I start eating more glucose. I figured I'd try it. So I've had one meal a day that had squash or sweet potatoes. Not a lot, but enough.

Then the last four days or so I've been craving carbs. This never bodes well, except this time I haven't even had a desire to say no to them.

So after days of starting out with a clear head and ending with a stomach full of things I hadn't intended on eating, I'm through.

So I'm going to fast today and avoid all food completely. I've had my normal coffee and because I woke up with a sore throat and congestion, I've also been drinking some homemade chicken soup broth. Nothing else though. I need to kick this carb thing and this is the only way I can do it.

eta:
Despite all the cheats, I've still stayed away from wheat and gluten, but not milk or sugar or the other normal things I avoid.

Your love is better than chocolate. Well...no, not really.

I am so easily influenced. I swear I could go forever without eating bad for me things. I rarely actually want them. Then I can mention to a friend chocolate or snacks or something. I don't even really want those things either. But if they mention what sounds good to them. I'm.so.screwed. And that Halloween candy I said I should get rid of. I really should have gotten rid of that. Because really...I didn't need to eat the Snickers, no matter how freaking good it was.

And we won't even mention the other things I had tonight. Or how it's not my cheat day. Or how I took two cheat days last week—one I was perfectly happy with and the other I overindulged in.

I don't know why I do these things. I'm rebelling against my body which has been uncooperative. The way I've chosen to rebel is so counterproductive. I know better. That snickers tasted so good though. ...as did the other things I ate that I shouldn't have.

It's now 6am and I am still up. No sleep and excess sugar is no way to ward off the severe random illness both of my kids have.

I'm going to eat something and drink a boatload of water and then I'm going to go to sleep for a little while. Good luck to me.

eta:
I accomplished good things tonight and I'm proud of myself—just not in the food department.

Epic oversight.

Last night my waist measured the same as it had on January 1st. I've had pretty significant inch loss since that time, but not in my waist.

I've been thinking about this a lot in the last few days. Also, a lot of conversations have been had and suggestions given. There are some factors that I had previously blown off as possibilities, but I'm starting to think they may have some validity. Being paleo, I've added a lot of fat to my diet. I've known for a while that not having a gallbladder could have an affect on my digestion, but I was thinking some epic reaction would occur and I'd be able to say "Oh! That happened. I guess I should limit fat now," but that situation didn't happen. Well...I hadn't noted that it happened.

So now I'm seeing that maybe this issue I've been noting for a long time (as well as other digestive issues) could be that epic moment. I'm still going to cook with coconut oil, but I'm going to limit my Kerrygold consumption for the rest of the month and see if that helps.

So to recap all the February fun:
phase out legumes
restart taking my digestive enzyme
no extra smothering of the Kerrygold (aka limit the excess fat)
no more cheat days

Oh. I don't think I've written about that last one. I've decided to not have cheat days. Even when I try really hard, I can't make it work and then it takes days to recover, even when I haven't had gluten. So no more cheat days. I will have a cheat meal once a week though. An entire day is just too much.

These are all pretty easy fixes. I'll give this a fair try for a little while and see what happens. If nothing changes, I'll explore the other possibilities—namely getting my hormone levels tested. I fear if something is off, my doctor is going to haphazardly prescribe meds (she's always quick to tell me how Ibuprofen can cure all) and I'd rather a prescription be a last resort. Also my yearly physical is coming up in April and I'd like to wait until then to see her.

Not your every day jelly bean.

I've slowly been phasing out legumes again. I never really ate any to begin with so going paleo was not a big deal in that regard. With everything I know of legumes, I was not in agreement with adding them back in, but I did it to follow the plan I committed to. I was okay with it for a month.

A couple things I learned during that month is that soaking your beans and then cooking them yourself makes for a much better bean compared to canned. It's worth the effort.

Another thing I learned is beans aren't so bad. Black beans are good warmed up with oil and red wine vinegar and some seasoning. Lentils are good with melted butter. In fact, if you overcook the lentils and then put butter and salt on them they are surprisingly like mashed potatoes. If I ever wanted to sit at home on a rainy day and have some comfort food, that would be a nice substitute for mashed potatoes since I don't do so well with potatoes.

Despite my positive foray into beans (I had some chick peas too and they were pretty okay) I'm ready to not be eating them anymore. Part of not eating them anymore though requires I add back in the calories and carbs. This will take a little getting used to.

I had already increased my protein intake to account for the extra hunger I know comes when I start working out again. Since I just ate three extra helpings of broccoli and cauliflower, I'm thinking I'll need to compensate for the beans more than I had previously thought. I'll tweak it some more though and see what happens. I could have just randomly been hungrier too.

I feel really good today. My stomach is distended and my jeans are tight and I'm not sure why, but aside from that, I feel surprisingly good. My head is clearer than usual and I have high energy. It's a great day.